College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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