OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
