Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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