I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
