The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
