Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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