First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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