I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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