A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Houston, we have a blender
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
