Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
