I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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