ugly people sure do ruin things
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
