Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
