My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
