I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
