i was born a porn star she said
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
