can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
