In America we eat man semen.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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