so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
