worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
