You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
