Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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