i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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