I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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