I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just forgot I was standing up.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
