I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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