Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I need help removing her.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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