the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
