I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
