were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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