we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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