So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
