I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
