Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
