just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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