note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
