Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's not cheating when I paid for it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
