Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
