ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
