Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
