He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
