absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
