I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
