i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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