not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
