i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
