But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
