Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
