Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
