I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
